During a conversation with my daughter, she said, “Does that mean you’ll go back to doing meditation?”
It stopped me in my tracks and I realised it had been so long, so long.
I told her how for many years I’d kept the TV on at night and indeed all time I am in the house, “It sort of shuts off the racket in my head,” I said. “I suppose I stopped meditating and started telly replacing because wasn’t willing to cope with what was coming up for me.”
I had started writing this evening after three hours sleep. I had slipped into unconsciousness in the computer chair doing a bit of surfing for a graphic with the points starting from the top: GENEROUS – CALM – SELFISH – ANGER, ‘Busy, Happy & Prosperous’ are top right between Generous and Calm. Lonely, Scared & Bitter are bottom left between Angry and Selfish.
I was looking to see if I had the rights to use it in this blog but it appeared I had to link back to the site it came from. I didn’t want to do that because it may expose me and this blog too much.
I fell asleep / unconscious
When I woke up I was annoyed with myself and realised that I’d forgotten to turn the telly off and I had had the intention to sit quietly, in peace, indeed ‘meditate’ for wont of another word for a while before I started to write my log.
I hadn’t actually seen the TV but it was obvious that it was on because I could hear it’s high pitched sound.
I dragged myself up from the precarious balancing position I had fallen asleep in and went turned it off … the high pitched sound remained.
Peace? What peace?
I started to write. Meditation took second place again. Again I abandoned my inner spirit. Is there any hope?
I have resolved to finish this NOW, sit and do it anyway! I owe it to myself and my spirit to take charge.