If anything I am more damaged than her over these years, she seems to be well on her way to recovery.
She has a route out.
What route do I have?
“I have died!” I said, “And you were the executioner – I gave you the ammunition and the armoury to do it and I went willingly.
“I’ve died, and now I am reborn and you as much as anybody else knows how painful birth can be.”
This is my route out.
The sitting and being in connection with my spirit, my true self. Not hanging on to the belief that my possessions, skills, successes and failures are me but merely ‘trappings’ and boy do they trap!
The waterfall isn’t the river, it’s part of the river. The shore isn’t the land, it’s just part of it and the waves that come crashing onto it isn’t the beach it’s just part of it that happens.
I am not what I regarded as my possessions, like my family, my friends or my wife. I don’t need any of them to be whole, they are just things that are around at a particular moment of my life which if I have the wisdom and vision, I will happily, YES HAPPILY, watch unfurl.
She talks about cutting the chord of my attachment to her and the negative thoughts around our separation. She says it’s like an umbilical chord. I said I didn’t want to do that.
She said, “Of course not – because you’re feeding off it.”
I’m still so raw but when I get in touch with my higher self, true self, divine spirit (I’m not sure what to call ‘It’) I feel as the healing process is well on it’s way.
I have enough information at hand, intellectually now.
One of the important ones for me is ‘that what I wish on someone else, IMMEDIATELY becomes so for me.’
Do I wish her a happy contented life, meeting the challenges it brings head on with cheerfulness, excitement, vivacious laughter, generosity of spirit, in abundance of joy, gentleness and lightness, acceptance, using her creative power to set an example for others to follow and allow them to set themselves free too?
Do I wish her an intimate, intense and happy relationship with a significant someone she is comfortable with, can give the love she has in abundance to, receive it back in the way she is content with, give that physical experience to someone who she can lift up to see above the clouds and have someone lift her up to do the same like she did to me for so many years?
Do I wish her fulfilment on her journey for her own spiritual destiny, a journey into the infinite wonder of knowing, of giving, of loving, of trusting, of just being?
Do I still wish I was there with her all the way?
Yes, I will be there with her all the way, but mainly in spirit because that is where our destiny appears to lie.
Physically we will always have a relationship as the parents of our children and having been lovers and companions for many years of shared experience: not all good but by no means not all bad either. We have shared more than half our lives together and we will continue to be together, just differently and in a more congruent and mutually supportive way.
She will be magnificent – I will be magnificent – we will be magnificent: using our creative power to shift out of unconsciousness.
Are we there yet?
Nah! But we’re getting there.
That old pokey ego thing will no doubt show it’s face again, probably sooner rather than later but it will have to stop wasting it’s energy flogging the dead horse and get on with something a bit more interesting, less predictable and supportive of my creative sprit where it will probably come in very handy instead of getting in the way and causing such inertia.
Hey! We can still have fun with this, there’s no reason not to.
Lots of work to be done.
Lots of ‘good stuff’ to pass about.
I’m really excited, energised and rearing to go though I could probably done with a couple of hours in bed.